Roxy's essay about hedgehogs

I just thought it was funny, so I am posting it - read and weep...



Many of us have pets. Pets are exciting and interesting. Dogs, for example, are loyal and obedient. Guinea pigs, on the other hand, are cute and fun to hold. But there are animals that most people would never keep as pets; like hedgehogs. I mean, who wants to cuddle those spiny things? For those of you who don’t know, hedgehogs are noisy, secluded, stubborn, nocturnal insectivores that love newspapers. A few weeks ago, I would never have considered such a pet. I still don’t. However, my views on them have changed since I got a chance to care for one when my mom showed up at home with a hedgehog in her hand.

Apparently, she found it right in the middle of a crowded park, (usually full of stray dogs) where it definitely didn’t belong. At first, I was thrilled. It’s not everyday you see a hedgehog, especially in the city. We agreed to house it for two weeks, and then release it into the “wild”. So we gave it a bed, some meat, and let it sleep. I named it Hedgie. It was only until the next day that I really got an idea of what I was in for. The hedgehog squeezed itself between our coat closet and the wall and refused to come out. So I had to leave it there, occasionally bringing it some meat or fruit. It only came out at night. Soon, this became a habit. It would crawl into its little corner, and then when we least expected it, he (we confirmed that it was a “he”) would run back to his bed in the corridor. We had quite a laugh, watching him run. He would sort of wobble from side to side. His back feet point inward, so it’s even more hilarious from behind. Sometimes, he would disappear and we had to hunt for him all over the house. He especially enjoyed hiding under our couch where, of course, it was impossible to reach him. So we simply confined him to the corridor.

Oh yeah, did I mention that the STINKS!? We though our cat was malodorous. Well, we underestimated the hedgehog. Very soon, our nice little corridor became a smelly unwelcoming corridor. And for some reason, my family dubbed me the official hedgehog caretaker. Maybe it’s because I stayed home all day. Maybe it’s because I love animals; whatever the reason, that’s what I became. As fate would have it, hedgehogs produce large amounts of excrement. Their target range is also extremely varied. So I soon found myself sweeping, mopping, and sanitizing our corridor. We even lined it with newspapers to make the job easier. But it seemed the more I cleaned, the more he dirtied the place up. Not your dream house chore, really.

I also became a detective, because if the corridor doors were left open, the hedgehog would run out, and I had to find him. I would follow his colorful trail of excrement into my sister’s room, or the kitchen, and search everywhere. No hedgehog. So I’d give up the search only to find him at the end of the day in some small corner I forgot about.

Even so, having a hedgehog as a pet is not without its comical aspects. It’s like having our own private circus, especially since we also have a kitten. Sometimes, she will try to play with Hedgie, and sometimes she’ll just sit there, watching him. Once in a while, the cat will get a surge of courage, and advance at the hedgehog with all her might, then stop short when she reaches it. A few minutes later, it’s back to the courageous kitty. She’ll advance again, and then stop short. I get a real kick out of watching it. And the hedgehog? It’s easy defense for him. He just curls up a bit and does nothing. Speaking of curling, when you pick him up, you can see his belly and his adorable face (along with garlands of dust balls that he collected from under the bed), but only for a brief moment before he curls up tight. But it’s very painful, too. Those spines are no joke. I’ve often gotten little red spots on my hands after holding him for just a few seconds.

One of the hedgehog’s favorite hobbies is scratching the life out of our poor kitchen door. Somehow, he knows where all the yummy food is, and stops at nothing to reach it. Now, the bottom of the kitchen door is stained with dirt, and looks like a scratching post. I’ve often had to push him away to get into the kitchen. And he’s pretty strong, too. If the door is ajar, he can push it until it is wide open. In this way, he has often snuck into my sisters’ room because her door doesn’t close very well.

And what do hedgehogs eat? Technically, they are insectivores, which means they eat mostly insects. But most hedgehogs will eat anything they find. Our Hedgie eats leftover cat food, meat, cheese, fruits, and veggies. When he eats, he practically sits inside his food bowl. And the manners- not so good. That thing chews unbelievably loud, which is precisely why it’s called a hog.

And so it goes… Here I am still cleaning excrement because we haven’t released him yet. But luckily for me, he began sleeping more these past couple of days (hopefully beginning to hibernate), so there’s a little less drama going on.

This whole experience gave me a new love and appreciation for wild animals. Still, I don’t think anything wild should be domesticated unless absolutely necessary. Want a piece of advice? Don’t keep a hedgehog as a pet!